Notice to all FlurbCo associates working in FlurbCo Tower: the 14ᵗʰ floor is currently flooded, and this is on purpose. To be clear, there is no need to report the issue to Facilities Management since, as previously mentioned, there is no issue. The 5-foot high wall of water that greets you as you enter the 14ᵗʰ floor is entirely intentional.
This is not related to a fire or broken pipes. Due to security concerns, the nature and purpose of the water cannot be explained in this public forum. Furthermore, on the advice of our legal department, project-specific staff are prohibited from offering any answers, even privately, so please do not ask.
To repeat: the 14ᵗʰ floor is flooded, and this notice is intended to inform you that this was done on purpose and at great expense. The engineering effort required to pull this off was enormous, on par with the construction of the pyramids or the first moon landing, but we cannot talk about it. A horde of physicists and fluid dynamics experts were flown in from all around the globe to help protect electrical equipment and prevent the project from leaking into the lower floors. And yet, we cannot tell you how or why we did this.
In truth, we want to tell you, but we can't, and it's killing us.
We can say this one thing, since the detail was widely publicized recently when a marketing associate accidentally scheduled a standup meeting in one of the 14ᵗʰ floor's many conference rooms. The detail we are authorized to share is this: the water is salty- not "like the ocean" salty, but salty. Lightly salinated. For reasons.
To avoid such room scheduling mishaps in the future, the conference rooms in question are no longer selectable in the scheduling system. Additionally, as mentioned in the recent all-hands email, upper management has made it very clear that no associate should for any reason select the 14 floor button in the any of the elevators in FlurbCo Tower. Not even when they receive a mysterious email message instructing them to do so. Especially not then. And if you receive a voicemail to that effect, one that appears to be playing directly in the audio cortex of your brain, inform your direct supervisor immediately. Associates working on adjacent floors will be issued special protective helmets to mitigate this risk.
Let it suffice to say that the 14ᵗʰ floor is flooded, and everything is fine. Please refrain from reporting the issue via the usual channels. As you can imagine, Facilities has been "flooded" with emails and instant messages on the subject. In fact, Infrastructure IT is currently at work updating the email filters to shunt these messages off to a separate containment server, in much the same way that we sideline the hundreds of emails we receive each day related to haunting sounds coming from the unused portions of the building or sightings of "Jim" in the Tower's lower floors.
